a little spot of thought
in my field of paper flowers
and candy clouds of lullaby
i lie inside myself for hours
and watch my purple sky fly over me
Contact Me
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Jul 13, 2005
Summer Sunshine
Everyone's changing
I stay the same
I’m a solo cello
Outside a chorus
I’ve got a secret
It’s time for me to tell it
You’ve been keeping me warm
Just sweet beginnings
And bitter endings
In coffee city
We borrow heaven
Don’t give it back
I’ve never felt so wanted
Are you taking me home?
You tell me you have to go
In the heat of the summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you
And nobody needs to know
Now that you’ve left me
There’s no returning
I keep comparing
You’re always winning
I try to be strong
But you’ll never be more wanted
Will you make me a home?
Don't tell me you have to go
In the heat of the summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you
And nobody needs to know
Just sweet beginnings
And bitter endings
In coffee city
We borrow heaven
Don’t give it back
Winter is coming
And I need to stay warm
The heat...
In the heat of the summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you
And nobody knows
In the heat of the summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you
And nobody needs to know
Summer sunshine, sunshine, sunshine...
Posted at 09:07 pm by mindlipstick
Mar 26, 2004
http://charlotte.creativeloafing.com/news_feature2.html
Great article on why it's fun to have fun.
My favorite part... I'm well aware that I'm no longer in college, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to hang up my shot glass to become one of those intellectual coffee drinkers who hates the rest of the world almost as much as they hate themselves. I still like to get drunk on purpose for no reason whatsoever. And when I do, you may hear a "Woo!" I'm not depressed, nor do I have any underlying insecurities that I'm trying to drown out. Sometimes, it's fun to get wasted. This doesn't make me stupid, shallow, boy-crazy or "blonde." I'm just lettin' loose and havin' a good time.
Posted at 05:10 pm by mindlipstick
Mar 21, 2004
 My new little watch from Target. You know. It was cute and feminine and pretty. I just had to have it. Posted at 10:22 pm by mindlipstick
Mar 15, 2004
Just a little place to put down my thoughts in an effort to lift me up.
Posted at 08:31 pm by mindlipstick
Sep 20, 2003
I will make a spread called the celtic cross which is a spread where you pull ten cards.
Card #1 and card #2 represent two perspectives of the present. Card number one is seven of swords which is a card that symbolizes a typical lone-wolf, someone who wants to "run away" from their duties and do things their own way, by themselves. This sounds like a negative thing, but it doesn't have to be that way. It is sometimes necessary that we are by ourselves to discover what we really, deep inside, want to do. It seems clear that you at least have thought about a life where you and B are not in this relationship and you are not completely foreign to the though of going separate ways with him.
Card number two is page of cups which in many cases can symbolize a child. I don't know if you and B have children or not, but if you do, the child has an important role in this. You are probably worried about what will happen to the child if you split up and you are torn between feelings of giving up and staying together with this man. If you do not have children, this card symbolizes the emotional need that you have, the need to feel loved or the emotional need that B has for you.
It is very important that you face the problems that you too have. There might be some "hidden dishonour", some issues that you two have not solved and it's important that you work on this.
Card #3 and card #5 symbolize what is hidden and what is obvious in the situation. Card number three, what is hidden, is the star. It is a very positive card which symbolizes love, hope and generosity. I don't know anything about your relationship, but whatever has happened, this relationship has been a very good experience and even though things might seem dark sometimes there is always love and hope for you to find if you look close enough. If this love and hope is good enough to continue working on this relationship, I don't know. That's for you to find in your heart.
Card number five stands for the obvious in the situation and it is eight of pentacles. Sometimes gifts fall into our laps for us to enjoy - but this is a card that symbolizes the opposite. You are going through a difficult time, but there is a lot to learn. This card symbolizes knowledge that comes from the outside, rather than just looking on the inside. You might have to get out, do things and meet new people to get perspective on things. It's very important to think things through, but too much thinking sometimes leads to nowhere. You may need new experiences before taking a decision whether you two have a future together or not.
Card #4 and card #6 symbolize the past and the future. Card number 4, which is the past, is page of pentacles and symbolizes safety, security, material needs, etc. Again, this card can also symbolize a child, so I guess this means you have children? Either way, it seems like there are tight material bonds between you two that might be difficult to break.
Card number 6, which is the future, is three of wands. This card came up upside down which is strange, because I always try really hard not to make any cards come up upside down. So this is probably important, however, I will get in to that in a little while. Three of wands symbolizes exploring the unknown, taking a step out from the well-known, into the unknown. The card symbolizes a very well thought through decision, though. There seems to be a will in you to take the important step out from the known into the unknown, whatever this may mean to you. But, the card came upside down. This means that this will in you may be hidden, although it certainly is there. There are probably a lot of fears involved in this.
Card #7 includes where you stand in this situation and you got 9 of wands. This card may symbolizes someone who has been hurt in the past and the trust has been replaced with suspiciousness. There might be some trust issues between you two for one reason or another, which also might be the meaning of card number one, seven of swords. If you don't know what I am talking about, unfortunately you might have to see this card as a warning that there is a risk of you getting hurt one way or another. But either way, this card shows that you are indeed a fighter and whatever happens, you will get out of it with your head held high.
Card #8 shows how others perceive you, or how you show yourself to the outside world. This card is the true symbol of material things, security, stable relations, rutines, etc. There are probably people who depend a lot on you and you are a person who takes great responsibility for your environment. This is a good thing, but there might be too much pressure involved. Remember, the highest responsibility you have is the responsibility you have for yourself - you have to help yourself and think of your own needs before you can help others (a cliché, but very true).
Card #9 symbolizes what you will learn from this and you got ace of swords. When I see this card, I think about the word TRUTH. You have to seek the truth and face all the problems and issues. This is indeed a hard time, but you have the strength within yourself to overcome this situation if you just rely on your instincts, listen to your intellect, look at the situation objectively and do what you think is right. It might sometimes be easier to follow your heart, but sometimes you have to listen to your brain too. My own experience says that sometimes things really do, but after the heartache is over you realize you've done the right thing...
Card #10, finally symbolizes the whole outcome of the situation. Well, you got four of swords which symbolizes taking time to rest, quiet preparation and thinking things through, by yourself. Maybe you have to get away from home for a while to gain perspective? It is important that you know what you want before you act on it. Whatever you choose to do, it will be the right thing if you just feel sure about it somewhere deep inside that sacred room within yourself.
Well, maybe I got a little carried away. I hope this made sense... There are probably a lot of diverse advice that came out from this reading, but that's how life is, I suppose!
To sum it up, there are some issues between you two that you need to work out. A lot of people depend on you and you might have to break out from some of the commitment and pressure to have some time for yourself to think and get your own new experiences before you can make any decision about what to do.
It'll be interesting to see if you think this applies to your situation...
Posted at 09:38 pm by mindlipstick
May 13, 2003
Five or More Fixed Planets
When there are five or more fixed planets in the solar return chart, this is an indication that change or the lack of change is a major issue during the year. Changes are frequently viewed as all or nothing routines which can intimidate individuals into fostering approach-avoidance issues. One train of thought will emphasize stability and conservative action, while another stresses the fear of being rut-bound. Situations often appear to be either/or combinations with no options in between. Security becomes equated with familiarity even when what is familiar is difficult. A lack of stability is associated with making dramatic changes. In this sense, there is a tendency to accept things as they are and not look for alternatives. Fear of making decisions that would greatly alter your life could keep you immobilized and stuck in stalemated conditions. If you are faced with impending major changes, but refuse to act on pressures and issues that are plaguing you, changes may be forced on you by external circumstances and these changes may be very dramatic.
Commonly, a fixed preponderance indicates you are stuck in the same old situation again, particularly if you are involved in what seems to be a never-ending conflict or a deja vu relationship. The inability to look for alternative solutions to problems manifests as the inability to find new patterns of behavior. Stubbornness and a refusal to compromise are negative personality traits which can be particularly obstructive this year, especially if you refuse to see your own contribution to difficult situations. How easy it becomes to blame others! If only they would give in, give up or make changes for us, clearing the way for our own wants, needs, and ways of doing things. This is an unrealistic expectation. Positively, this is a time to draw on the creative insights associated with the fixed signs, Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius, to develop new alternatives which optimize corrective action and change while minimizing instability. There are alternatives to either/or, uncompromising situations for those who are willing to be creative.
If your life is already stabilized, then this is a time for building and maintaining resources. Further acquisitions can be had through creative use of what is already owned or known. It is an excellent time for finishing major projects that require plodding and sustained effort. But if major changes are occurring, this is also a good time to maintain a sense of stability and peace in the midst of disruption.
If no text appears under a heading, it is because you do not have any major aspects
with that planet for this year.
The Sun In The Solar Return Chart
Sun Aspects Neptune
Neptunian aspects to the Sun indicate that the native is growing more intuitive and more sensitive. This sensitivity will eventually lead to a greater compassion for other human beings and a better understanding of relationships. Individuals become less egotistical and more vulnerable during these years, since they are likely to be confronted with their own human frailty or that of someone close. Involvement with alcoholism, drug abuse, martyrdom, dependency situations, and savior-victim type relationships is the more negative manifestation of this aspect. For some individuals, being less egotistical results in an unstructured personality which lacks control, certainty, and direction. More positive manifestations include helping those in need, becoming more intuitive, and growing less concerned with selfish interests.
Sun Aspects Mercury
Just as in the natal chart, the solar return Sun is never more than 28 degrees from Mercury so does not form any major aspects other than the conjunction. Mercury conjunct the Sun indicates that the intellectual mind is actively involved in the goals of the Sun. Reading, writing, learning, and communication in all forms will be important to the pursuit.
Mercury In The Solar Return Chart
Mercury Aspects Neptune
Neptune in aspect to Mercury in the solar return chart suggests working with the less clearly defined psychological drives such as compassion, creativity, and spirituality. Your sensitivity to subtle emotional connections among all people increases your concern for certain individuals in particular and humanity as a whole. You are able to acquire information through intuitive and psychic insights. Dealing with these subtle themes can lead to some uncertainty and confusion in the thinking process. Increased intuitive or psychic awareness can precede the ability to weigh this information for its accuracy. It is sometimes difficult to discriminate between what is really psychic and what is more closely akin to worry, fear, or false hope. It is also difficult to find practical applications for idealistic concepts and inspirations which are represented by this combination. Therefore, stress can sometimes be associated with the more spiritual manifestations of Neptune-Mercury aspects.
Important factual information that you receive during the year may be partial, inaccurate, or vague. Sometimes secrecy and deception play a role. Your normal points of reference for evaluating information may be changing. Without adequate facts, you may be left hanging for most of the year. It may be impossible for you to make a decision at this time or to evaluate your circumstances. You may be easily confused or misled, especially if the information you receive is inconsistent or incomplete. In older individuals, confusion may actually be senility. Neptune's most negative interpretation is a loss of mental capabilities through drug and alcohol use or abuse. This tends to be an uncommon manifestation that is more closely associated with an individual pattern of consistent negative behavior. Most people will not fall into this trap.
Put your trust in the Universe during times of uncertainty. Focus on compassion rather than a search for mundane truth. Understand that in the end, all will be known. Be gentle with yourself when you are not as focused and detail-oriented as you used to be. Mercury-Neptune aspects can indicate a call to the right-brain, creative, artistic, intuitive, and spiritual processes. Go with the flow of consciousness and open to a whole new way of knowing and perceiving.
Mercury Aspects Jupiter
While Saturn-Mercury aspects are associated with pessimism, Jupiter, on the other hand, can imply optimism, and confidence. You may look forward to the future with great enthusiasm. But what you believe to be possible may differ from your actual experience. Optimism can lead to miscalculations and poor decisions if you overestimate your chances for success or underestimate the amount of time you will require to complete a task. Overscheduling is directly related to this inability to foresee possible future difficulties. You might assume that tasks are quite simple, when in fact they are very difficult. You may not be able to honor deadlines and promises you have made if they are unrealistic. The tendency is to overwhelm yourself with too many tasks or projects, too many details to remember. Stress results from these miscalculations.
For some, stress may also result from a lack of congruity between more philosophical beliefs (ruled by Jupiter) and daily experience (ruled by Mercury). You might find it difficult to believe what you see and hear. Situations you are involved in can directly conflict with long-held philosophical, ethical, and religious beliefs. You may not now practice what you once preached. Very narrow minds will steadfastly hold on to basic beliefs which are contradicted by personal experience. These individuals will be unable to make the philosophical adjustments necessary to accommodate new information. Do not allow intolerance and hypocrisy to limit your possibilities. This is a good time to expand your mind. Return to school, join a discussion group or study on your own.
Mercury Aspects Mars
Mars-Mercury aspects suggest an energetic thought process. This can be a time of great mental energy and an active search for knowledge. Your mind should be quick and alert, though not necessarily highly retentive. Learning can be very exciting and self-perpetuating even if you study alone.
What is great for the learning process may not be so advantageous when making decisions. The speed normally associated with Mars may indicate that you are impulsive and quick to jump to conclusions. You may not take the time necessary for careful consideration or thorough research. Instead, you may choose to handle situations with gut-level reactions rather than considered responses.
Mars-Mercury combinations imply assertive ability, but at their worst, these aspects can suggest aggressiveness and great anger. Ongoing conflicts and daily confrontations may occur with very negative manifestations. Those with strong tempers may have trouble controlling their anger. In the heat of the moment, they will say things without thinking about the consequences.
Old unconscious anger and resentment may fuel present conflicts. You may not be fighting for what you believe is right in this situation; instead you fight because you have been wronged in the past. Focusing on angry thoughts and acting out conflicts can be a terrible waste of a good mind. Mars-Mercury aspects show that thoughts can be put into action. Get motivated. Use this time to accomplish many things. Let your experiences teach you along the way.
Mercury's relationships to the other planets in the solar return chart indicates how information is gathered, assimilated and integrated into attitudes that persist for most of the year. How easily this is accomplished, and in what manner, is suggested by the aspects. What you are actually thinking about is indicated by Mercury's house placement. The important thing to remember about Mercury's placement is that it is indicative of a mental exercise only. Alone in a house, Mercury can show mental preoccupation without psychological pain or physical consequences. It suggests the ability to make decisions only, and may not be a clear indication of action in any particular area.
Posted at 09:14 pm by mindlipstick
Apr 25, 2003
And then there was the time that one of them simply wouldn't return her calls to his office. So she called the number he did not know that she had, and she said to the woman who answered that this was so embarrassing but as he was no longer talking to her, could he be told that she was still waiting for the return of her lacy black underthings, which he had taken because, he said, they smelled of her, of both of them. Oh, and that reminded her, she said, as the woman on the other end of the phone said nothing, could they be laundered first, and then simply posted back to her. He has her address. And then, her business joyfully concluded, she forgets him utterly and forever, and she turns her attention to the next.
One day she won't love you too. It will break your heart.
::Neil Gaimen::
Posted at 08:58 pm by mindlipstick
I'm not in love
i'm not in love
so don't forget it
it's just a silly phase
i'm going through
and just because
i call you up
don't get me wrong
don't think you got it made
i'm not in love, no
it's because...
i said
i'd like to see you
but then again
that doesn't mean you mean that much to me
so if i call you
don't make a fuss
don't tell your friends about the two of us
i'm not in love, no
it's because...
i keep your picture
upon the wall
it hides a nasty stain
still lying there
it hides a nasty stain
still lying there
i keep your picture
upon the wall
it hides a nasty stain
still lying there
it hides a nasty stain
still lying there
so don't you ask me
to give it back
i know you know it doesn't mean that much to me
i'm not in love, mmnhmmm
it's because...
ooh you'll wait a long time for me
ooh you'll wait a long time....
ooh you'll wait a long time for me
heeee, you'll wait a long time
i'm not in love
so don't forget it
it's just a silly phase
i'm going through
and just because
i call you up
don't get me wrong
don't think you got it made
i'm not in love, no
it's because...i'm not in love
i'm not in love
Posted at 08:51 pm by mindlipstick
Mar 23, 2003
"I thought that you were a decent guy that was just confused. Turns out that I just confused you for a decent guy." - Heather
Posted at 08:43 pm by mindlipstick
Mar 6, 2003
After picking three cards for you, I got the sun, the hierophant and the moon.
- The first card, the sun, symbolizes the past and why you're in the situation you're in now. The sun is a card which symbolizes happiness. Maybe you used to be really happy with your friend in the past, but it has now changed? You seem to want to go back to how it was before, to get involved with that happiness together again. Or at least the happiness itself whether it's with that person or not.
- The second card, the hierophant, symbolizes the situation you're in now. The hierophant has a lot to do with questions about listening and obeying yourself of the people who surround you. Maybe you feel inside yourself that this friend has hurt you, as you said, but you still can't truly let go as this friend has been a part of your life after all. Maybe you are wondering what your friend or other people around you will think about your decision if you decide to end the relationship. But what you have to do is to truly listen to yourself; what do you really want to do? Whatever you choose to do, it will be the right decision, because it's yours. It's also good if you really talk to people about how you are feeling exactly and try to ask for advice; if you are already doing this, the hierophant is a clear sign that you should continue doing it. You should try to talk to people who have been in a similar situation.
- The third and last card, the moon, symbolizes the future and what you should do. I think this is a very interesting card! You have to think through whether you are living in an illusion with this person or not, search for the truth within yourself. As it seems, this is a very difficult situation for you and there seems to be no really easy way out of it, but you have to try to find your own path, the way that would be the absolute best for yourself. You have to stand on your own two legs and I think that both the first and the second card showed a lot which is pointing to the fact that you should look withing yourself and not try to think too much about what your surroundings would find the most proper thing for you to do.
Posted at 09:36 pm by mindlipstick
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